Bentley’s official site
11-15 Swallow Street, London, W1B 4DGT +44 (0)20 7734 4756
Six oysters plus glass £9.95

How long does it take to shuck open twelve oysters? Forty-five minutes at Bentley’s – maybe there’s mythical preparatory work involved, but I was completely baffled on this visit. Note, this is not a review.

Service, absent.

Let me introduce you to bartender Tim.

Tim looks like an intelligent and strapping young master, except he’s a lot more interested in chatting with the offshore bank accountant who is sitting at the far end of the bar from me, than actually serving me.

“18 pence per share, FTSE 100 company, I’m not kidding” says Timmyboy.

“eh?” I was thinking more along the lines of £10 half dozen oysters and a glass of wine. Turns out he’s not talking to me, even though he chose to pop a wine bottle in my face and shout across the bar (but to my face) to the silver hair gentlemen who can’t seem to stop announcing to the room that he is in fact, an offshore bank accountant.

Ok let’s try that again. Five minutes of trying to establish eye contact with Mr Stockbroker behind the bar later…

“Hi there, can I get your oysters please?” says me.

“Garble garble garble…. 18pence, went up to 36p last month, I kid you not.” says Tim.

Me: “Oysters, please”
Him: “Right. Oysters. That’s it?”
Me: “What else do you recommend?”
Tim: “Garble garble. I think it’s up to 59p last I checked.”
Me: “….”

Then, he walks toward the gentlemen and reaches his perfectly cropped head toward the man’s ear, as if he was whispering sweet nothings to Diane Kruger. I attempt to re-establish eye contact with Timilicious, perusing time-honoured headbobbing techniques until our eyes snap in contact with one another and he finally walks toward me. (this is a short bar, no more than 3 meters in length)

Him: “Yes, what can I get you?”
Me: “The half dozen plus a glass of white, what wine would you recommend?”
Him: “Its all good.”

Before I had the chance to point to something on the winelist, Mr offshore bank accountant decides to announce to the world that he’s leaving. No surprise, Tim leaves me hanging and rushes to his highness to usher him out the door. He cannot hide his enthusiasm and stretches his hand out and introduces himself “Tim! I’m here all week next week, come back again and we’ll chat more.”

Gosh, what excellent service, now why didn’t I become an offshore bank accountant I wonder.

From start to finish, its about half an hour, and only then did he bother to pour us our glasses of wine.

Him: “This is Spanish, O.K.?”

And he disappears into the next room, never to be seen again. I was so glad when the manageress tapped on me to let me know there was a table in the outside area, I ran out.

Did I mention a £2 cover charge plus 12.5% (non) service?

Appalling.

Seriously, how long?

By the time they brought out our glasses of white which were still sitting on the bar, the cool crispness had become a warm vinegar. Another five minutes pass, I had to gently remind them to bring out our bread, to which the waiter replied: “Oh, we knew that. We were just heating up new ones, just in case it went stale”

Ha.ha.ha.

Forty five minutes into this sitting, our oysters finally appear.

Ok. So here’s the good thing, the oysters were excellent. In fact, they were so good, they might possibly have been the best I’ve ever eaten in London, so far. They were mineral and refreshing, the texture was so creamy that one need not have to hold his breathe to eat them. There werent any strong aftertastes or offensive fishiness.

A squige of lemon here, a splash of shallots vinegar there; Sizzling acidity which went down so smooth, I was inclined to believe that these oysters had true aphrodisiac powers. Oh yummy. Similarly, the bread was top notch – the brown ones appear to be a kind of oat bread, with a sweetish floury flavour and chocolatey aroma.

Right then, slurp, slurp, slurp. That’s twelve oysters and two glasses done. 4pm, time to go. I walked in at 3. The bill takes, oh just about 20 minutes to get to me. And we find that they’ve charged an additional £6 for non-existent cherry clams. Very creative, we send it back. Another 15 minutes later, the real bill reappears. Finally.

Maybe next time, not. 

In the end, we refused the ‘discretionary’ 12.5%, this was the first time I’ve ever done this, as I really felt it was undeserved. Service was dismissive and disrespectful. What was suppose to be a quick oyster slurping session on a sunny Sunday afternoon, turned into abit of a nightmare. There was still the mandatory £2 cover charge per person – that’s four quid, for what? Dodgy stock putting advice from a wannabe broker? Wrong side of the bar and wrong profession altogether.

18p per share anyone?

Carelessness I can forgive, especially if the staff are indeed trying and if the food is up to scratch. Yes, the Bentley’s £10 deal for 6 delicious oysters and a glass of pretty able bodied wine is indeed a very good deal. So much so, I’d go as far as to say that they were worth the 45 minute wait. But having to endure the most egotistical of arrogant barman (I complain about poor bartending, because I’ve worked behind bars before) ever to grace restaurant bars; utterly infuriating.

Perhaps this was just bad luck, an off day and maybe you guys have had better visits, I would really like to believe that, hence the non-review.

If you are reading this Mr Corrigan, I respect you and your work, but seriously take a deeper look into the front of house at Bentley’s.

National Geographic Pincho Cafe official site
83-97 Regent Street W1B 4E1 0207 0256960
Pinchos £4 each

Pinchos: Spanish inspired small dishes that allow for instant gratification….oh wait isn’t that otherwise known as Tapas?

An invite to try the cafe at the brand new National Geographic store in Regent steet; folks, the window light was brilliant and I brought my best camera lens. Can I interest you visual feast?

I am a Photographer

There is something special about photo galleries. It means even more when its a commission of the National Geographic society. To me, a photograph is like a window to another reality completely frozen in time with the soul, the temperament and the moment captured. Natgeo photographs are almost always breathtaking, one can only aspire to perfect composition – oh will I ever take photographs with such grandeur, I wonder.

On the other side of the ground floor gallery is the café area. I’ve always been curious since it looks like quite a relaxing area, but never really got the chance for a sit down – its almost always packed out on weekends, whenever I’m viewing the galleries.

Yes, I jumped around abit when I got the invite to try it.

As I alluded to earlier, the café serves tapas style small dishes, brandishing them with a new moniker but still small dishes nonetheless. I must admit, I initially approached the café thinking it was yet another well-oiled franchise machine serving up signature panini-cappuccino sets…. Oh how wrong was I.

This is interesting: Chef Miguel Espinosa is a true Pincho Chef and he was pinched from ‘Café Rioja’, located in the Spanish town of Calahorra in the La Rioja region, which of course is famed for its wines. At risk of coming across as a yuppie, I must say I’m impressed with Natgeo’s manpower sourcing.

Right on to the food.

iberico

By the way, I love Spanish food – it is my most favourite cuisine, I love the rustic qualities, the octopus, the rich vibrant flavours, the potatoes, the paprika, and above all I love Spanish ham.

Spanish selection, Jamon Iberico, Lomo, Chorizo, Salchichon £11

We started with a selection of iberico hams, served with breadsticks from the charcuterie and it was excellent. The most critical item on the platter was of course the Jamon Iberico. I believe they are sourcing quite high quality stuff, perhaps closer to 12/18 month but it certainly was not the 36 month variety as it didn’t quite exhibit the nutty, silky and superior sweet flavours. I would be surprised if they did, considering this platter was laid on for £11. For the price, it was definitely a robust selection of Spanish hams. Not quite Brindisa standards, but still surprisingly pleasing. Off to a good start then.

Shiver me Tuna

I should take this opportunity to talk abit about the setting. The first impressions are that of a really comfortable cafe. It is helped by the huge windows letting in gorgeous light (on a good day) and the black painted interior provides a sort of calming contrast to the busy streets outside. Plus its got high ceilings. Being a Natgeo store, you’d expect all sorts of interesting dangling bits and it evokes that feel of a diverse multicultural cafe. I did feel like I was on the set of the next Indiana Jones movie, with a fedora, reliving my childhood explorer fantasies. Whip!

Seared Tuna served on a bed of wild rocket and tomato with balsamic glaze £5

A simply refreshing dish served with a tangy rocket salad, the pan-fried asparagus was welcoming. While the tuna was nicely seared, it was cooked to the core. Personally, I think that tuna should almost always be served medium, it’s juicier and the raw centre gives it a nice bounce in texture. Overall, a nicely executed dish, they weren’t kidding about small portions either, this one was miniscule.

 
Artichoke and Ham Cake £6

The next thing we tried was off the specials menu, and something a little more inventive, in the form of an interesting savoury cake. Apprehension was quickly erased as I found this dish quite eye opening. Surprisingly moist and juicy on the palette, with a creamy and fragrant texture – the hearty artichoke flavours blended beautifully with the ham, giving way to a comforting finish. A savoury cake shouldn’t taste good, but this one dazzled the senses. Very well done, and I appreciated the simplicity of the dish.

Mini Wagyus

Legend has it that Kobe beef tastes great because a) the cattle drinks a lot of beer b) they bath them in sake c) they laze around, a lot. And so whenever I see Wagyu anything on the menu, it’s a must-order, though in this country, Wagyu beef is likely to have been air flown from Australia rather than Japan.

Wagyu mini burgers with caramelised onion and crispy chip £8.50

Yeah, I once had Byron’s mini burgers (which I believe is now a kids choice menu item) and it was utterly disappointing. I think that burgers are one of these things you just can’t shrink. Maybe its just psychology in the lack of satisfaction when chewing down a penny sized burger, though I think it loses juiciness in the process of frying such a small piece of meat.

Anyway, the wagyu burgers were quite abit bland. The sweet caramelised onion was alittle overpowering against the (lack of) beef, and I just didn’t taste any beefy flavours coming through at all.

Chocolate Ravioli

Ravioli of Cardon (Thistle) drizzled with Chocolate £4

Ravioli Chocolate immediately stood out for me, I just had to order it, this one was again, surprisingly good. It was much like a warm and savoury rice pudding with a bursting of juices from the cardon. The chocolate sauce did not overpower, and this rather curious looking dish tasted much better than it looked.

Pinchos, the new Tapas?

At the end of the day, I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of food at a store cafe. The simplicity of the recipes were indeed refreshing and the balance of flavours were inviting and appetising. Coupled with some rather unique ideas, on the whole, Chef Miguel’s adaptation of the pinchos concept is successful. Price wise, it’s certainly pleasing to see the small dishes hover the £4, albeit they are tiny, I would not attempt a dinner here (if indeed it’s open for dinner..) but as a relaxing cafe to grab a small bite – it ticks all the right boxes in that respect. The only howler were the mini wagyu burgers, which – respectfully – I didn’t quite agree with, but everything else sizzled with serious intent. It’s not going to mount a serious challenge agaisnt say, Barrafina, but its nearly half the price, food is almost as good and the atmosphere is cool in a very hectic central London. The last dish of the day was £3.50 worth of mini Japanese azuki bean pancake, yeah its sweet and I found the cream overkill amusing rather than tasty, still at £3.50, its cheaper than a scone at Sketch. It did not detract from the overall experience, which was definitely a positive one.

The next time you visit the Natgeo gallery, don’t be afraid to give the pincho cafe a try, you should be pleasantly surprised.

The Gist of It.

National Geographic Pincho Cafe official site
83-97 Regent Street W1B 4E1 0207 0256960
Pinchos £4 each
Verdict: Good food, relaxing atmosphere and its in a skillfully decorated Natgeo store with lots of things to see.

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